“My wife and I have been dating for 4 years. When we decided to start a family, I prepared for it financially in advance, because I knew that it would be difficult for my family to solve the ring, the table for the introduction of the parents, and other details. I used to collect money from my salary for everything.
A wedding and a white dress was never my dream, moreover, I don’t like it when I’m in the epicenter of attention, it makes me very uncomfortable, so I asked my future wife, my family can’t afford it, she couldn’t help me in any way.
My wife didn’t object, instead, my stepfather threw a stone and said: “No matter how I pay for the wedding of the only boy, all the relatives will visit us separately, it’s more expensive, and it’s better to have a table once.”
Here my father got angry, I don’t have the means to pay for the wedding and what will our relatives say. In short, I found myself in the middle of two fires.
My day has dawned. If until now I thought that I was the most balanced and calm person, that morning I was worried about every little thing, I was shaking, I couldn’t even adjust my dress by myself. My best man was standing next to me and encouraging me. We signed and signed the cross.
I did not grow up in luxury. I lacked many things as a child, but nevertheless, I never had the hassle and burden to have precious things. My best man collected the gifts and money received at the wedding, I was not even interested in their quantity.
We were having fun, we were having fun… After a while, I see that my husband’s cousin is talking to my best man about something. Soon my mother-in-law also joined them and they are explaining something to my best man.
I went to my friend to tell the news, when they noticed me, they both became silent, and my best man didn’t have any color anymore. You look like a girl and I will tell you, you know the story of Tamazi (my father-in-law), how much did this wedding cost, even if you didn’t want to spend so much, I know that you are a smart girl.
They took such a big debt to pay for this wedding, it’s not to be talked about, but you won’t be allowed to do anything either… If we give the gold and the money that comes to Tsitso (my mother-in-law), it will at least cover a little of the expenses, she didn’t take offense, we’ve already become one family.” My mother-in-law was also standing silently and wondering about everything.
Who forced them? The phrase “you can’t get involved in anything” hit me even more… Wedding was definitely not my choice, although I respected their opinion and because of it I upset mine. At that moment I was so angry, I gave everything we had, gold and money. My best man and I looked at each other in astonishment. “Who were they, where did you go?” my friend told me and advised me to tell my wife.
I did so. I was no longer interested in gold and money, but I was not going to hide my heartache from my husband. All this caused great trouble. Lam’s wedding failed. Both Bitsola and “Mrs. Mother” ran away disgruntled and angry. After my husband “threw a stone with his tail”, they demonstratively left the place. Later, my wife returned everything without deduction, we also covered the wedding expenses with our loan. We were already going to live separately, but all this accelerated the events.
Time has passed, but to this day I am a hated daughter-in-law for them. My father-in-law was also brainwashed and he has no relationship with us either. This story is told everywhere by my mother-in-law, of course distorted, modified and the way she fits it: “the story of how the impudent daughter-in-law watched and threw her out of her only child’s wedding.” I am happy that I don’t have to live with these people, but it breaks my heart. Although I have never felt it from my husband, I can see that he is very heartbroken, whatever it is, his parents.
Do you think they will never reconcile with their son? Shouldn’t I have told my husband? How can I not confide my heartache to the person closest to me? Why did I have to start life with hypocrisy in the first place? How can I reconcile with my family, even if they don’t reconcile with me.”
Naniko, 31 years old
